Manifesting Love: I Have A Crush On…
Warning: This post is really an ode to my favorite video of all time and a cheesy love letter to my future husband. Oh, and a thank you to my parents.
“I want to let you know that I got a crush on you…” -Lil Kim , “Crush on You”
On Sundays, I celebrate love. I watch cheesy rom coms (some repeats from the Sundays before) and write. On a good Sunday, I focus on self care--spa-like treatments-- and maybe do some grocery shopping and laundry if it wasn’t done on Saturday. Basically, I do some adulting--the societal shoulds--which got me to thinking about how we are taught that’s it’s okay to do certain things to “manifest” career goals or live a better life. But, when it comes to love, some still believe that “if you’re patience and wait, it will come.” If I want to be a great writer, I should write everyday even on Sundays. If I want to be “an adult,” I have to do things like grocery shopping and laundry if I don’t want to pay someone to do it for me. But, if I want love, I need to “be patience” because “what’s meant to be is meant to be”? It makes no sense. I work towards having “love” in my life--from myself and others (romantically and not) just like I work towards my career goals and daily personal goals. Also, I don’t believe in the proverbial “one”. That can be unhealthy, so in other words:
“Love is what you make and with whom you make it.” -Love Jones movie (1997)
How I Learned to Love
My parents have been together for over 30 years, so I know what love looks like. The primary reason that I know what love looks like is not because of how many decades my parents have been together, but the kind of relationship they had and still have all of these years later. How you still bicker like siblings but still remain affectionate and in love like teenagers for so long? One day I will interview both of my parents (it’s on my list for Valentine’s Day), but I can speak now from what I have witnessed as their daughter:
My dad never used his masculinity to silence my mother. Ever. And, if you know my mother this is probably impossible. But, it still says much about the power dynamics in their relationship.
They have a mutual respect for each other. My parents never yelled at each other when arguing. They did argue in front of us and still do, but they always make up in front of us as well.
They are still affectionate, and treat each other like human beings. My parents and my sister came to visit me during my graduation this past May. I always saw them again when I visited home again this past August. I got to witness their constant affect towards each other like cuddling to watch a TV show, foot rubs and all that mushy stuff. My dad always make sure he is the last to leave a place, he always holds doors for all of us, and shows affection towards my sisters and me as well. Their love and respect for is consistent for each other and their children and grandchildren.
I can go on. I am very blessed. Despite this, I have been in an abusive relationship and toxic situations, but I always had real life experiences with love, so I always knew what it looked and felt like. I watched two people have a crush on each other for 30 years.
“I got a love jones for your body and your skin tone…”-Method Man, “You’re All I Need”
My Crush History
I had these fun crushes since grade school like everybody else, but I’ll skip my first one. Middle school was the longest and probably the most defining one when I was young. It was my best friend’s cousin. I remember meeting him and instantly feeling butterflies. I wrote his name on notebooks and couldn’t function when he was around. I think he may have known, and I am sure it wasn’t mutual. At least he was nice about it. My second defining crush was in college. Dude knew I had a huge crush on him and was kind of a inconsistent a**hole. However, I take responsibility for my part. An interested man acts interested consistently. Period.
Let me not forget about this customer that used to come into a check cashing place I worked at right after college. I was 23. First day I met him, he came to my register, and my hands were shaking. I have no idea why. I had butterflies and could barely talk. He knew I liked him, but he had a girlfriend and son and was respectful. I have no idea why I liked him, and I saw him a few times after I left. He always smiled and mouthed hello. A bittersweet end.
Those crushed were definitely play play compared to my current crush.
I have a crush on this man I met a few weeks ago. I believe I will marry him. And yes, I think it’s a wild thought--maybe even arrogant--but I'm being honest. And, I’m going to roll with it.
But, I think I’m right and crushes are fun. It’s also how I am manifesting love.
Ways to Manifest More Love
Keep a LOVE journal. I have kept a love journal for years. I am more consistent and clear now, which is when the real manifestation happens. I write out love quotes, notes to future hubby and address any negative subconscious thoughts I have about love.
Watch romance movies (with happy endings). It’s important to see love in action. My action of choice is movies because I can’t watch my parents fawn over each other since we currently live states apart. My favorite go-to movies for Sundays are: “Love Jones,” “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” “The Choice,” and anything with Morris Chesnut, Jason Statham or Idris Elba in it because they are love (lol). The movies I choose display healthy love with conflict, but happy endings.
Listen to “love” music. I love music, but I make sure I am not listening to sad Keyshia Cole “I’m always getting hurt” music. It’s not helpful with my subconscious thinking about love. I listen to a lot of Anita Baker, Adriana Grande, Mariah Carey, Beyonce, Jhene Aiko, Rihanna and a lot of old school like the Isley Brothers, Stevie Wonder and Al Green. I make sure the messages in the songs are aligned with what I want to manifest. Click here to see my “Love” playlist on Tidal. Most songs are positive love stories. Songs that bring back good memories work as well.
Work on self love. We hear this often, so I won’t go into it too much. But, I will say you will not get much of anywhere without having this love at the center of your “love quest”.
Work on non-romantic relationships. There was this meme I shared before that stated something like, but not the same words: “be careful how you are not confusing longing for a partner with your need to have better non-romantic relationships”. I love romantic love, but nothing compares to the love I get from my girls. Period. And, I work towards having a healthy, balanced relationship with them and family members. I do get lonely sometimes (which is okay), but I no longer respond to that by going into toxic situations. I have other solid relationships filled with love besides the love for myself. This is always ongoing and never linear nor perfect, so remember you can ALWAYS start over no matter what.
An Ode to My Favorite Music Video: “You Don’t Know My Name” by Alicia Keys
But, back to the romantic love. I also watch throwback music videos 90s and early 00s because they actually tell stories. My favorite video of all time is “You Don’t Know My Name” by Alicia Keys. First, I am obsessed with Mos Def. It’s just something about him. I love his swag. He actually looks like my middle school crush and check cashing bae. I guess that’s the connection. The video is set in New York City, not the gentrified New York City of today, but the one I romanticized about when I wanted to be a New York City-based magazine editor in college. The video tells a full story: a beginning, middle and end, unlike most videos today. My favorite part is when he notices her “outside her work clothes” around 2:06. And then, the entire scene when she calls him and at one point her phone “breaks up”. Genius—especially during the time the video came out. The intimacy scenes between the phone call especially at 4:51 gets me every time. She daydreamed about shooting her shot. In reality, he leaves her workplace not “knowing her name”.
Here is my favorite music video followed by honorable mentions that get me in my feelings.